Sunday, December 29, 2013

Shedding Unwanted Weight

Christmas afternoon at the beach...where any weightiness is easily shed

Today’s post hopes to find you enjoying this holiday season merrily, joyfully and peacefully!  I’ve obviously been absent from blogland for the past three weeks, and although I’m very grateful our Christmas season has been filled with love, happiness and time to celebrate with family and friends, I’ve admittedly battled some frustration with and disappointment in myself.  I’ve been weighted down by resulting guilt while trying to keep up with December’s busy pace and feeling as though I’ve done a poor job. 
Seven months beyond my last chemo treatment, my head thinks I should have fully bounced back to my “normal” energy level while my body lets me know this is not the case.  My stamina has improved, but fatigue still sets in when I push myself too hard.  After each set of late nights pulled, I’d barely be able to keep my eyes open and would need to go to bed earlier for a few nights in order to recuperate.  I’m also not the adept multitasker I used to be and am more easily overwhelmed, adding to bouts of tiredness.  Trying to juggle too much all at once is definitely more challenging, and as shared in a past holiday post, I now have a tendency to drop a few balls.  For the second year in a row, I dropped balls on mailing Christmas cards (which I’ll be transforming into New Year’s greetings) and long distance gifts (which will finally be making their way to the post office this week) and remaining active in the blogging community and other online communities.  Hopefully, friends and relatives can still sense deeply heartfelt sentiments despite my tardiness, and hopefully, those of you who journey with me on Paper And Ponder are still here!
Last night, the thought that popped into my mind was the common goal of shedding unwanted pounds after indulging during the holidays.  I must focus on shedding the weightiness of frustration and disappointment in myself and the accompanying guilt!  I doubt I’ll ever return to my former self, the ultimate organizer, planner and multitasker with a seemingly endless supply of stamina, and I'm realizing what’s better is to aspire toward a more reasonably paced schedule (when possible!), a more manageable list of expectations and a greater tolerance of my own imperfections and shortcomings. 
Rather than squeezing every last thing into the already crowded nooks and crannies of my December calendar, this year I tried my best to focus somewhat limited energy on fulfilling commitments, both personally and professionally, devoting time to creative projects, savoring family time and being more present in the here and now.  I’m assuring myself that the balance of my list will eventually be accomplished, and all will end up well.
By shedding this unwanted weight, my spirit will surely feel lighter and reenergized.  What burdens do you wish to shed?  May we all feel lighter and brighter as we head into the New Year!